Forgave My Controlling/abusive Family , but Now It Just Feels Strange ?
Question by : Forgave my controlling/abusive family , But now it just feels strange ?
I am 28 years old. I got the hell out of a highly dysfunctional family about 2 years ago and drove 2,000 miles out of state to the south. When I say Highly , I mean highly. My father is a racist. Never respected anyone, Don’t appreciate or thanks anyone. Always acts like a kid . Expects me to care for him (Still) after years and years of physical/emotional trauma which I am working through.
My mother always try to get the family members against each other and use words to get them to have a animosity against each other , mainly through comparisons after comparisons.
My brother , although tried to help me when i lost my job , is still a very inconsiderate and disrespectful guy. He looks down on me, talks to me like I am nothing if things doesn’t go his way. I can see his future already. The same cycle that goes on with my parents x 10.
I spend my middle school days and high school days in terror of these people. I spend most of my college years in isolation and deep depression, until I started reading up on materials on abuse and how it cripples a human being. Now I am better , Not completely, But I am getting there. I am starting to make some few healthy friends and I am in control of my addictions.(most of it atleast)
Recently , Since I started talking to my parents ,My brother has been helping me with a computer job and I thought Oh that’s nice he wants to help me. But I think it was a big mistake on my part because it seems like , He’s more like doing things to look good infront of other people than really trying to help me.
Here’s an example : My brother flew me in to NY for an interview. I went along with it because I thought Ok, I guess he really wants to help. When i got here, I talked to my cousin about setting up a “mock interview” . My brother came to find out about this and confronted me like in a attacking manner which brought me back memories . He started asking me questions like – ” Why did you set up an interview with him, He’s not technical , He’s only business( I told him , yea I know that ) but he kept on interrogating me as if I am some kind of idiot who doesn’t know difference between A and Z. Also another thing that caught my attention was when he said ” if you let him help you, he’s gonna keep talking about it all his life” and also how everything was HIS IDEA( my bros) .
I was like WTF! So it is all about control then. am I wrong to think that??
The return date is November 20th. Should I get the hell back before that? Because I don’t feel comfortable here . My insenstive father ( who tried to kill me 2 years ago and I took him to court)
is giving me cold shoulders and getting mad ( literally ) why I don’t call him every day! It’s the twilight zone here!
What the hell was I thinking when I forgave them ? I am upset because I have a set a new standard for my life , altogether. I want to be around ” healthy ” people and want to lead a highly healthy life for the rest of my life. With my parents in my life, I hate to say this, I don’t see that happening. No I am serious. I know it sucks. But it’s just not happening. I don’t even want my kids to around these people.
What do I do ? I am sick of these people who suck the energy out of my life. ! !
Should I end this and go back ? Interview is supposed to be tommorow. I dn’t even feel like going for it anymore.
Best answer:
Answer by kwgirlroper09
Hi you have gone through a very hard life and you are getting your feet back on the ground. If this job means having contact with your family members I would say do not take it and move on there are other jobs out there for you. You can thank your brother for trying to get you a job and then get away from this family. Move somewhere where they will not know where you are. You need to do this for your sanity and to move on to a better life. One that you have control in, not your family. Your family sounds very dysfunctional and they will only drag you down deeper. It is best to sever ties until they can prove to you they have changed or gone to therapy and received help. I am proud of you that you have forgiven them especially your father who tried to kill you. But you have to think of yourself and your life not theirs. It is you that is important now. You have worked hard to get past the terrible things that have happened to you and right now you do not need reminders and constant friction from your family. I hope this helps you. But you need to do what’s in your heart. Take care. You are a better person than a lot if you can forgive your family for what they have done to you.
Answer by Christian (Minister)
Forgiving does not mean talking to them or seeing them. They are toxic, so stay far away.
1st of all, maybe you think people/parents can talk anyway they see fit each day. Turns out many parents are abusers. Actually they are not trying to be tough to make you responsible- they are tricking you. This goes for people at school as well. Words are abuse also.
Hurting people control/hurt others. It’s not you. They are the ones who have a problem. People/parents do mean things- ignore/abandon to control. They just want the reaction so they can get high feel good from it. You have to look at the agenda. Abuse is anything and words that are not uplifting. So forget what truth is being used right then. Remember -THEY are sick and get high on being mean, and thats why they do it. They are wrong about everything. The abuser is close-minded, self-righteous and was also abused themself.
The parents abuse can make children react with all types of so called mental Illnesses- painful but not a real disease – includes all OCD, BP ETC.
Psychiatrists commit fraud in that there is no medical science in what they do. They do not draw blood to test for imbalances. For chemical imbalances no test exists. There is no conception of what a correct chemical balance would look like to date. People in the FDA agree. I have links for this.
After abuse, drugs or witchcraft, all types mental sickness can be a spiritual problem. Jesus name is needed to banish what is there..
Google- “Inside the Mind of an Abuser” http://www.googobits.com/articles/2446-inside-the-mind-of-an-abuser-what-you-need-to-know.html-See how it works and be free…Google “self righteous”
God wants you to know truth, forgive, and get away from them. Read many many sites under “emotional abuse” and “dealing with bullies”.
Source–Seeing people overcome this –Talk to me for help. Clik my name.
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