Does It Need Work Tell Me What You Think of This Poem?

Question by blueeyes: does it need work tell me what you think of this poem?
my own read comments welcomed …. Sorrow and pain .. Is there sorrow and pain in your life? fill you have nowhere to turn ? life bringing you down Sorrow and pain searching for happiness cant find it ? looking for it in drugs perhaps alchol , drinking hoping problems will fade ? Sorrow and pain everyday you think its going to go away but im sure its not for I was there once too , no amount of drugs or alchol can take it from you .. Sorrow and pain the answer is simple its there search deep within im sure you’ll find him there , his name is Jesus he loves you give him a try for you will find happiness you have been longing for all this time … Sorrow and pain please don’t let your troubles bring you down stop living for the high that will always let you down : for Jesus said come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden Ill give you rest , for my yoke is easy , and my burden is light . Sorrow and pain so what will it be my friend same ole emptiness or the greatest feeling you’ve ever known , happiness inside that grows my Jesus wont let you down ask him to come into your heart joy is found , love never ending emptiness fear never more , peace he brings search no more … Sorrow and pain still looking for that something? not if you asked Jesus inside …..

Best answer:

Answer by micheleann62
Yes it needs work. You need to frame it into verses at best. Too hard to read this way. Now my other critique is this, it lacks total experience and what I mean by that is this.
I doubt you have been sober for very long. Just a hunch. I have been clean and sober since 1986. When you have over 10 years then you can tell others how to stay sober.
Its nice you found what gives you peace. So have I. But for sobriety the proven path is AA/NA and believe me God gave the program to us for a steady diet of recovery. People with diabetes don’t look for a cure in their religion. There is no reason to look for recovery from alcoholism and addiction there either.
Peace, and a better grasp of the 12 steps, a more solid foundation may be found in religion. That’s a good reason to establish your belief system but it hasn’t helped all by itself much. Probably because God took the arrogance out of sobriety when He formed AA and for us its a steady flow of seeking recovery. None of us are better than anyone else in a meeting.
Back to your “poem” This isn’t a poem per se’ it is in fact a testimony.
Its something that might work at a podium in church.