My Parents and Husband Are Always Fighting.?

Question by Fed: My parents and husband are always fighting.?
I’ve been married for almost 8 years. When I was pregnant with our first child, I had to have a Cesarean. The local hospital only allows one person in the operating room with me so it was a no brainer that my husband would be at the birth of our child. My mother was upset. She even showed up before the scheduled surgery and sat in the hospital room while they were prepping me. It was extremely awkward, but we have since moved on. It seems like this is where the conflict began.

Fast forward, add two more kids, there was an incident in which I discovered that one of my mother’s best friends (that she had been bringing into my house around my children for several months) was a register sex offender. Assuming she would never willingly bring a convicted pedophile around her grandchildren, my husband and I decided it was necessary to inform her of this man’s past immediately so he called her. She informed him that she did know about this man and that it wasn’t a “big deal” that he was around my children. This was followed by a huge fight in which she blames my husband for snooping into her friend’s past.

My husband and I were able to schedule a family meeting and sit down with her and my father to discuss the issue. Unfortunately she seemed out of touch with reality and called both my husband and I liars about several things anywhere from religious affiliation to childhood friends. It was a complete mess. Slowly we were able to agree to disagree and cautiously move forward. Holidays were slightly awkward but we managed to get along as a family and be civil.

My brother has a drug problem and has been in and out of rehab since high school. Although he is currently 3 years clean and sober, there have been several times over the years where my mom has called me and inform me of his latest arrest or visit to the emergency room. I never wanted to know that side of him so I asked her not to pass that knowledge along but she refused to stop calling me crying. One afternoon she called me at work to tell me that he had slit his wrist and was being taken to a behavioral center. I was so upset that I had to leave work. When my husband heard about the phone call, he was upset and took action by sending her an e-mail asking her (again) to stop. That seemed to stop the phone calls and we were able to move on.

Three months later my parents showed up at my house (unannounced) waving a printed copy of my husband’s e-mail accusing him of trying to ruin my relationship with my mother. He politely told them that he had never intended that and asked them to leave. They refused to leave so he demanded they leave. Since that time, there have been two more incidents in which my husband has asked my mother to leave. On both occasions, I have been supportive and we have worked through the disagreements with my mother. My father does not usually get involved until my mom calls him telling him that my husband has “disrespected” her. At that point, my dad contacts my husband and it usually turns into more arguing.

After a fight this morning where my mom showed up unexpectedly and my husband (startled and in his underwear) used harsh words, my mom stormed out of our house. That was followed by a phone call from my dad to my husband which involved yelling and some texts to me about the situation. My mom then sent a text to my husband saying “F*** YOU! I am done with you!” due to his “lack of respect for women”. She goes on to insult him as usual and it’s all getting old.

I refuse to be stuck in the middle because I will always stand by my husband. We are expecting our fifth child any day now and I do not know where to begin to help repair the relationship or if I should even try. I acknowledge (as does my husband) that my husband has been rude to my mother. I also see how rude and insulting my mother has been to my husband. My husband left her a voice mail apologizing for his behavior. What more should he do? Should I take a more active role in repairing this relationship or leave it up to them to discuss? With the new baby on the way and the holidays creeping up fast, anyone have any suggestions? Any idea if it’s even worth worrying about?

Best answer:

Answer by Jayme
Sorry hon but ur ma needs a reality check and u should leave it up to them. U don’t need the added stress!

Answer by Point
Your parents are in the wrong for causing such a conflict in your family.
Your mother has no respect for either yours or your husband’s boundaries. And it’s rather rude of them to just show up at your house unannounced and expect you to side with them.
And I also think it’s rather irresponsible for your mother to put your children in danger when in the company of a pedophile.

Notice a common denominator? It’s your mother.
If she can’t act civil towards your husband and respect your wishes, then you need to limit your contact with her until she takes responsibility for her behavior.