Has Anyone Else Ever Wanted Their Parents to Get Divorced?
Question by Aria: Has anyone else ever wanted their parents to get divorced?
My parents yell at each other every other day, and my dad has even given my brother a black eye. He has mad anger issues and I really honestly hate him. I’m 16, and I feel so bad for my mom who is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and my inspiration. I want them to get divorced so she can finally be free from him and his tyrannical rampages where he yells at us for hours. He also tells me I’m worthless and stupid, while I’m maintaing a 4.6 gpa. Is this normal?
Best answer:
Answer by Mercedes
I’ve been there:
I am the oldest of four siblings, and I’m proud to say that my mom is my best friend in the universe, and I wonder how I could ever be closer to such an amazing woman.
My parents got divorced almost 5 years ago. My parents fought almost every day, since I was very young. I was used to it, so I never thought there was a big issue until I started middle school: My mother had a lot of stress; she would stay in bed all day, and never get up until she had to go to work. She was the only one who could ever hold a job in the house, and my dad always stole her money, and would cheat on her, even while she was pregnant with my brother. He’d use the money for stupid things and drugs, often.
My mother was depressed and angry for almost 10 years because of this man, and I could do nothing for her; no matter how hard I begged her to consider divorce, she kept reasoning that it could work out, and it was just a snag.
But after I turned 13, she finally realized that he was what was holding her back all those years; she needed someone who would build her up, not bring her down. She is engaged to her current boyfriend right now, and the whole family could not be happier with him, and the choices she’s made after leaving my dad.
I would suggest talking to her. I know, cliche, but trust me; if you are as close as you say, I know she will listen.
Wait for a time when your dad is gone for a time long enough for this talk, and tell her in advance that this is important to you, and you need her to listen, no matter what you may say. Tell her exactly how you feel; how your dad makes you feel, how detrimental you know he is to your mom’s health, and the welfare of your family in general. A house divided can not stand, and tell her she needs to realize that what you want for her, your best friend and inspiration, is someone who can love her, and build up and support a loving family, not tear down the walls, and abuse what can be a happy home and a loving group of support.
People who have been abused often reject and deny the idea and reality of their abusive situation. They tend to think and say, “Oh, he didn’t mean that…”, or, “He was angry, and it was my fault, so it’s ok…” or, “He doesn’t usually act that way.. He’s really a good person inside, he just has his moments.” or “He promised he wouldn’t do it again, and I know he means well.”, “He’s done so much good for us, I can’t let a little anger get in the way of our relationship..”. They deny that the situation is not serious.
It is not your responsibility to make your mom feel any differently or to immediately change her mind, but it IS your responsibility to be honest, and express all this hurt to the person who matters most. It is your responsibility to try to help her to the truth.
You may not have success in the first try, or even the fifth, but it is up to your mom to realize her problem and act on it. You can not ultimately make her, you can just give her a push onto the right path.
You know your mom, and how she is; before you talk to her, consider and ask yourself these questions, and get the answer: “What would motivate her to stay with him?” “What does she care about more than anything?” “What good does she see in him, or what does she see that is blocking her view of the abusive seriousness of the situation?” “How can I use what I know to coax her mind out of the defensive on this topic?”
Use the answers to these questions to formulate a plan of how and what you will say. You know her better than anyone, it sounds like, so use what you know to help guide your inspiration toward a level of her own inspiration.
Good luck, and email me if you have any more questions or doubts.
God bless, and take care of you and your family.
Answer by Jacob
yes it is normal. been their done that. My dad is like that and racist also. he treats strangers or like my aunties n cousins more better then he treats his own family (us) i mean he calls us stupid, dumb@ss, etc. when he himself cannot even work the computer. he is abusive also and went to jail for beating up my mother and me n him always fights like one time he got mad just because i didnt empty out the sink trap thingy. He said it will attract roaches. <- obviously he dont read much. because roaches out number the humane population or any by that matter by millions or more. their no way to get rid of them. anyways he always holds a grudge and doesnt even care too like. if it was my bday he wouldnt even care my mom would be like where you wanan go? and im like w.e then he would say why do we have to go somewhere it's not a special occasion. ... haha then he complains we spend so much money on things like new tv or w.e but its because he also throw stuff at it and breaks it when he is mad. he also thinks hes all muscular and strong but when he cant fight he always uses weapons. haha so yes i want them to get divorced like super badly i fking hate him.. im only 17 and im not that smart but i know i can get a 3.0 maybe higherr and have in the past in high school. i used to smoke weed because of stress and all and he tell me a an idiot for doing that when he smoked weed before too -.-" see what i mean?
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