Boyfriend’s Drug Addiction and Guilt-Tripping Family?
Question by roarmrdinosaur: Boyfriend’s Drug Addiction and Guilt-Tripping Family?
My boyfriend of 4 years has been using Oxycontin for almost a year now. His social circle has been created because of the drug. He recently has come to terms and admitted to me that he does not want to be dependent upon them anymore and he would like to get his life back together. I do not want to be up his ass but at the same time I don’t want to deny the situation either.
I went to his parents because I was afraid for his health. All that happened with that was seem to make the situation worse. They put GPS tracking on his phone, his brother has kept searching the neighborhood for him and once he finds him he harasses him and his friends. He keeps in contact with me although he got mad and distrusted me because of the fact that I told them. He still see’s me and calls me. His Mom keeps hounding me because she knows that he see’s me and that I know more about where her son is and what he’s doing than she does. I assured her that he is safe, eating healthier, waking up early and trying to get a job. He’s not better but he is progressing along the road to recovery but he WILL eventually need professional help. She believes that I’m “playing games” with her and if “I loved him as much as I say I do” that I would rat on him and pretty much act more worried.
I am worried about him but he seems to run away more if I constantly say “Are you still on drugs” “Why are you doing that still?” “Are you getting better?” etc…I feel like I am taking just a different approach to the situation. I know that she’s his mother and obviously mothers will interpret this situation much differently but I feel like her approach is what’s driving him away from her. He won’t call his Mom or go over to the house. She blames me.
What should I do? I do not want to have a sour relationship with his Mom and have her feel like I’m “hiding things from her” and that I “do not love her son enough” but I feel like their approach is driving him away more.
(By the way, he’s a Momma’s boy where she does everything for him and he has pretty much did not learn any sense of responsibility yet)
Best answer:
Answer by Kelle
You are in a difficult position.
You are right. The more harassing the more he will isolate himself.
The key is to say you care without facilitating the addiction. never give any money.
He is a big boy. He’s knows the situation he is in. HE HAS TO DECIDE what to do.
Oxycontin is a VERY addictive drug. It is unlikely he will be able to quit without going to rehab.
You might want to investigate rehab. centres so you are ready with a suggestion if he reaches that point.
Personally i would have as little contact with his family as possible – you don’t need the hassle.
Say nothing to him about his drug problem. It’s an old record; he knows. Just reassure him that you love him.
PS An intervention would not work in this case.
PPS We don’t need 2 casualties here. You need to think about getting on with your life and worrying about him will take a heavy toll.He needs natural consequences to make a decision.
Answer by Judy & Charlie
This is an easy answer:
Remember the following rules:
1) You are not responsible for the boyfriend, he is responsible for himself. Therefore, if his mother wants to know what he’s doing, hand the phone to him.
2) You do not come between the boyfriend and his parents. He has a separate relationship with them that only HE is responsible for and not you.
3) Your boyfriend’s drug habit is his burden and not yours. You do not give him money or pay his way for ANYTHING! I’ll assume he is a grown man and can take care of himself. And that should be his goal…not to go from being one Mommas boy to being your boy…understand?
4) He needs to start attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings if he is serious about getting clean and you can find these meetings in your phone book. He should make the call. If you choose to invest in this relationship you may go with him to the meetings. You’ll learn something important.
5) You should Google the Narcotics Anonymous website and start reading about addiction and also google the drug’s name and check out the side effects.
6) Understand that your boyfriend’s personality fueled by his inappropriate interactions with his mother are contributing to his long-term addiction. He’s got a lot of work to do and its gonna take awhile to get clean and mentally healthy. He’s a narcissistic personality and right now he’s got two women fighting over him and he LOVES it!
You can offer an ultimatum. Either he gets to helping himself or he’s out of your life. Don’t worry, his Mommy will take him back in.
I wish you all the best.