I Need Some Advice on Whether or Not I Should Stay in This Marriage?

Question by klyang47: I need some advice on whether or not i should stay in this marriage?
I am 28 years old and my husband is 33. I have been with him for almost 8 years now, and we’ve been married for four years. We have two children, a 5 1/2 year old girl and a 2 1/2 year old boy. For the most part, we’ve been pretty happy…up until like 2-3 years ago…we just weren’t getting along at all. When I was about 5 months pregnant with our 2nd child, he would never be home. He was always at his friends house til like 3 or 4 am…just hanging out having a beer or whatever. I was home with a 2 1/2 year old toddler and pregnant. I spoke to him many times, but it didn’t work. Things kept going like that and then I had our son. Then things were okay for a little bit.

Just about a year ago, I found out he was using drugs. And I found out bc I was unemployed (not by choice) and he was working fulltime. He had not deposited any money into our bank account for one month (month of June)…and then when he said he did, the money didnt’ show up and we were eventaully negative at our bank…when i asked him what was going on, he kept coming up with excuses why he hadn’t recieved his check from work. Blaming it on his boss or the office. Until i got fed up with it, and went to his work and confronted him…when I threatened to go to the office and talk to them, he finally gave in. He knew he was cornered so he started to tell he was doing methadone pills bc he used to do herion like 5-6 years before we met. When we first met, he told me about his herion addiction in the past…and I told him that everyone deserves a second chance…but for future references, I don’t tolerate drugs and I will leave him if he does anything. And we had an understanding.

I was so dissapointed and upset, and asked him to come clean and tell me about everything now…he said he was just doing the methadone pills and bought it from a friend. I was very angry and upset, and made it clear to him how i felt about it, and that it’s going to take a long time before i trust him again…then in august just 2 months, he wasn’t acting right, so i went and bought a home drug test and surprised him with it. At first he was all saying, “okay i’ll take the test”…then when i handed him the cup, he totally flipped. I had to call his mom and step dad to come over and reinforce it. So then it came up positive for methadone pills, and cocaine…I was so so so shocked and upset..i felt so numb…..and he still kept denying it so we had to send it out to the lab, and then finally he admitted it. I just didn;’t know how to feel towards him at this point…i started sleeping on the couch, instead of in bed with him.

Then in october of that same year, he broke his feet, the dr. gave him some percocet pills (why? i don’t know). i caught him taking 11 percocet pills with in 6 hours and kept denying it til i showed the pills to him…then just recently…like a month ago, i caught him taking methadone pills again (with a drug test) bc he was acting weird. He denied it, until i kept nagging him…then he told me.

I dont think he is a MAJOR drug addict…i think he gets quick fixes here and there when he needs it. I am torn because when i spend time with my kids and him, my kids are so happy…and he is a good father to them…but i keep catching him in lies….i dont know what to do …or even how to start to leave him…he knows i want to leave and is going to, it’s just a matter of time before i do it….does anyone know what i’m going thru and can anyone give me an advice on it….I know that the question of me staying or going is really up to me at the end, no matter what anyone says, but i just need some input from other people who has been thru it…Ultimately, I think I know what I must do, but are my kids going to me messed up if i leave…he’s good to them, so they won’t understand why i am leaving…i think i still care alot for him, but im so hurt, that i can’t say i still love him in that way…please help…
O, and i forgot to add that he did go into rehab counseling..for months and attended AA many times and his mom even spent alot of money on a personal counsoler. he claims he is better, but i dont see it

Best answer:

Answer by ? Mad Luv ?
This is the Worse part of the vows that were mentioned on your wedding day.
you know better or worse.
So you know what i’m going to say.
keep working on it keep trying. be harder on him.

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