Permanent Custody of Foster Child (Family) vs Adoption?

Question by kennebunklmt: Permanent custody of foster child (family) vs adoption?
The only foster care I have dealt with is that of my niece and her sister- my husband and I fostered them both as infants and eventually adopted them.
A friend of mine has had her sister’s son (8 yrs old) for a year. The parents are married, both have drug and physical abuse problems. They haven’t really been doing what they need to get their son back, so the state stopped all reunification and granted my friend permanent custody instead of terminating the parents rights.
She said that the parents can ‘apply’ to start reunification again if/when they are ready and possibly get their son back. The process is lengthy and pretty unusual, according to the social worker.

I am having a hard time understanding how it would be good for this child (who has already been abused and neglected and then taken from his parents and seen with his own eyes that they didn’t fight to get him back) to all of a sudden be forced to start reunification and maybe go back with them after a year, 2, 3 etc go by?

I am all for reunification when the parents really want to do it and make the effort. I do believe that the best case scenario is for a child to be with their parents as long as they are stable and healthy and take care of the child. However, the thought that they could just wake up and decide to start ‘behaving’ and take their child back… honestly scares me! He loves being where he is (with 3 boy cousins his age) and being able to see his family, etc. He is SAFE and has a stable home who will take care of his needs (he has a lot of learning disabilities that his parents never helped with).

Do you think they chose that route because of his age and the fact that he is with his aunt?

Thanks for the info!!
The parents are physically abusive and my friends sister has actually threatened to kill her (yes the police were called)! They do have another child (11 yrs old) who is living withe the grandparents. I assume they did the same thing with him.
I just hope and pray that this little boy doesn’t have anymore turmoil than he already has.

Best answer:

Answer by renee
I personally have seen where parents have really stepped up and done their part and changed however the abusive part is what has me a little disturbed. Parents who are abusive have many problems that need to be dealt with and has ALOT of work to prove they can treat their children the way they should. I feel this point the child should stay where he is safe and likes it. If the adoptive family is still wanting him and the child wants to stay I say heck let him stay. The child will never forget what happen to him and its not fare to not let his feelings and wants to be heard. Yes even at 8. There is soo much that could happen and I have seen that too. My brother and his wife adopted 2 twin boys who mom was wanting them but she couldn’t prove herself and has a mental disorder and she neglected them to sit forever in their car seats and allow the cat to poop on them and not clean it up. She might not have physically abused them but to me that is a form. The boys are doing great and loving their life but does suffer some separation anxiety and stress from their mom. My family is blessed to be able to have the resources to get them the help they need because their mom also drunk while in utero. All situations is different but in this one. I feel the 8 needs to stay and let him have the choice when the legal age is to pick. Hopefully the parents have cleaned themselves up to repair their relationship.

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