Separated From Wife and Torn?

Question by : Separated from wife and torn?
Hey folks….bare with me but there a lot of details that’s have bought mhearer reaching out for unbiasis advice.

in 2011 my wife of of 13 years (known each other 16) and I decided we were going to divorce. She had developed an addiction to pain pills and she became overly flirty with other men on Facebook. Leading up to our decession she spent the day either on the couch crushing pills, or on face book talking to other men. It never event to anything physical but it ate me up. I spent the day maintaining the house and taking care of the kids. pic did ALL the shopping, PTA meetings, sports practices and games, along with all the cooking and cleaning

Our plan was that March 2012 we would move out of the house and rent it out for a profit….that profit would go to her and what ever the judge decided shower was entitled to she would also get. So according to the plan mom even out. Well she didn’t. In fact Ashe was surprised I did. She a thought I wouldn’t actually do it. As a result the profit we were suppose to get to heldp support her we didn’t get, and she was in our home with bills mounting and the house falling behind. My 18 year old daughter stayed with her and the 13 year old boy came with me. He saw his mom at least 3 times a week but she wasn’t capable of taking care of him. I had to call to make sure he did his school work, showered, got up for school , ate etc etc…..

we went to court and they gave me a tremporary order of what to pay and the case has been continued 5 times and we are closer to finishing it. The next court date is June 25th.

Since we separated I HAVE NOT dated….I’m not really interested in that. I left my wife because of her refusal to get healthy I love her more then anything and I praGED over this last year we would get back together.

In september 2012 her father (who lived with us) passed away from lung cancer. She was VERY close to him and this was a terrible blow to her. I wanted to help her , but she refused to go to rehab and got worse with her self medication.

In December 2012 she had moved out of our home and met guy younger man through a friend of hers. This guy is an x con who served time and even delt drugs at one point. Having said that the 2 of them became a couple and she was “having a good time” as it turns out this guy was using my wife for her life insurance money, sex and a place to live.

now the mortgage was behind and the home was in such a condition I could not rent it out.

february 2013 I ran into her at a store in our town……WOW!, she looked amazing and clean!!!!!! This really screwed with my head !! I could rarely get her to go out with me much less get her all dressed up. She had told me the she was working with her doctor on getting off the pills and felt great. I said if you’re doing that why the heck are we getting a divorce. She agreed!

We started to reconnect and we figured a way to save our home and we want to move back in……here’s the part that has me so confused. She opened up to me and saiI ” I do love that other guy but I realize I have no future with him. You are may family and I want us all back together. I love you and you’re my husband and in time I’ll stop loving the other guy”. WHAT?! What do you do with that?

So for the last 3 weeks we’ve been cleaning the house to prepare for a move back in there…..the kids are excited about being back with all their friends and I’m excited to….I miss the home. In order to save our home we have to declare chapter 13. Yesterday I went to pick her up and she looked like a mess. She was upset and I believe she was coming off a high. Looks like she’s relapsing. Time is NOT on our side with our home and We went to the attorneys office and that went great. We can save our home! On the way back we argued…she felt abandoned and wanted to know why I left. my side was simple it was the pills and Facebook plus she had at least six months to prepare. Having said that to her I took the blame anyway and told her how sorry I was I left and it would never happen again. This last year has hnimble me and inspired me that no matter what the problem you as a couple have to fight through it! She went on to say she was sad she got rid of the the other guy even though she knows he’s no good for her. That really screwed my head up.

so here I am days from moving back in with a wife who still has a drug issue and a “broken heart of another man” but ” wants and needs me back, kids who are both excited. (side note my daughter has been out of control and i feel like she needs a stable home to settle back down…the boy is an all star athlete and doing great) and me more confused then ever.

Is there a “right” move? i feel like if I move back in its going to be very difficult but it’s my wife’s only chance at a clean life
I love all the responses…..Looking into the local agencies. Thanks for the love

Best answer:

Answer by Sparkle
Your wife is an adult and it’s her life and up to her, not to you to decide whether or not she chooses to recover or not and whatever she decides will be her choice, not yours in the end and will be about her and not you, so don’t do it. Don’t move in with her, is my advice. Give her some contact details for places such as Lifeline and The Mental Health Team, where she can speak to trained professionals who can help her to ease her pain and give her a drug rehabilitation clinic’s number.

Answer by l8tr g8tr
The only way to salvage this mess is:
1) She be in some kind of addiction recovery program
2) You get into your own therapy
3) You both get therapy together
4) You attend Nar-Anon meetings for family members of addicts

Otherwise, things will resume just the same upon your reunification.

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