What Should I Do in This Situation?
Question by Sno_border69: What should I do in this situation?
I’m 23, I’m a girl and my boyfriend and I just don’t seem to get along anymore 🙁
I love him, but he has some personality issues I think and I don’t know how to handle them.
He was raised in an abusive household with a violent dad, who gave my boyfriend a gun when he was 4 and told him to shoot him, to end his life because he couldn’t handle having such a stupid 4 year old son.
His dad abuses his mom on a daily bases only allowing her to eat at certain times and making her do endless chores until a certain time at night and never letting her have any say in her life. I’ve seen him (my boyfriends dad) swear at her endlessly about missing spots on the floor where she didn’t clean, and have heard horror stories about his dad throwing cheeseburgers at her when she “was too stupid” to order the right order at the drive through. He’s even been in jail for a few years for abuse. She shakes a lot because she’s so nervous around him. She won’t leave him either.
I think it’s done real psychological damage on my boyfriend because he’s 25, still lives at home, doesn’t want to move out, worked at a Quiznos for 7 years then quit one night after he burned himself on a hot stove coil on purpose. He’s been suicidal before, but has never gone through with anything thank goodness.
He’s been emotionally abusive to me a lot, but it’s sad because I don’t think he has any idea he’s doing it. Sometimes I think he has more than one personality (It sounds crazy, but I’m trying to be honest and get help here.) We’ll be snuggling and his eyes will do this twitch thing and he’ll be so sweet and say, “I’ve been searching for love my whole entire life.” And then after we have sex he’ll get really ugly and make comments about my weight saying, “even if you lost 15lbs you’d still just be an average girl, so that isn’t your concern.” Like almost telling me what my priorities are.
I majored in communication design at an amazing art school that’s extremely difficult to get into. He tells me I went to school to draw “pretty pictures” and it was a stupid waste of my time. He refuses to get an education with a passion. In fact he hates education. He thinks he can get any job without ever going to school. (He works in a meat factory cutting meat.) He thinks that’s way better than my degree because he didn’t waste money on school. I stand up for myself ALL the time. ALWAYS!! Then he feels like I’m always turning things around to make it seem like I’m trying to hurt him.
He’s hit me before, but says that I’ve been abusive to him so that I “deserve” to be punched. I’ve tried to restrain him before and grabbed him and pulled his shirt because he gets violent and uncontrollable so somehow I feel like I need to stop him from doing bad things to others and himself.
He’s been arrested before a few times for drinking and drugs. In the mornings when I call, he’ll swear at me and call me a stupid ***** because I should have known it was during he scheduled sleeping hours and I’m a **** for disrupting him. It’s 11:30am when I call and he sleeps for 12-15 hours a night just up until he needs to go to work. I rarely talk to him without him getting upset. Sometimes he’ll call me back a little bit later having know idea that he spoke to me so poorly. His excuse is he “blacked out.” Sometimes he’ll apologize though and say “it was morning grumpies” and constantly make excuses for his behavior that somehow I’m just too damn stupid to understand.
Would couples therapy help? I’m seriously concerned for him and our relationship. This is not funny.
What can I do? He never lets me in unless we’re touching or making love, or being intimate. It’s a lot for me to deal with and knowing there’s this sweet person inside of him who I fell in love with when I was 17 makes it really difficult to be in a relationship. HELP is needed.
Best answer:
Answer by chedderhead
OMG. Help is needed, but it won’t be from you. RUN from this guy. What a mess. It is only a matter of time before you get really hurt.
He is likely to go to prison before he asks for help. I’m sure he thinks therapy is a “stupid waste of time” just like your career.
Please, get out before it’s too late.
Answer by Alfonse
I read most of this, but you need to run from this guy, seriously, run for your life because that is what you need to do. He is screwed up very badly and he needs to be willing to get help. You have so so so so so much promise and this guy is a total whack job who is using his emotional abusive games to control you.
Call an abuse hotline for yourself and get out of this. I dont care how much you love this monster, get out of this, seek counseling. At least call this abuse hotline for yourself and do it now. Your very life depends on this.